The following was in the Toronto Star a couple of Saturdays ago and in case some of you didn't see it, and because I found it hilarious, I thought I'd copy it into my column.
Parodies like this one were popular in the first half of the 20th Century. A chapter on parodies, by Gary Draper, is in a new book called What's to Eat? Entries in Canadian Food History.
HOW TO COOK A Husband
A good many husbands are utterly spoiled by mismanagement. Some women keep them constantly in hot water; others let them freeze by carelessness and indifference. Some keep them in a stew by irritating ways and words; others roast them. Some keep them in a pickle all their lives.
It cannot be supposed that any husband will be tender and good, managed in this way, but they are really delicious when properly treated.
In selecting your husband you should not be guided by the silvery appearance, as in buying mackerel nor by the golden tint, as if salmon; be sure you select him yourself, as tastes differ. Do not got to the market for him as the best are always brought to your door.
It is far better to have none unless you patiently learn to cook him. A preserving kettle of the finest porcelain is best, but if you have nothing but an earthenware pipkin, it will do, with care.
See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely washed and mended, with required number of buttons and strings nicely sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong silk cord called comfort, as the one called duty is apt to be weak, and they are apt to fly out of the kettle and be burned and crusty on the edges, since, like crabs and lobsters, you have to cook him alive.
Make a clear steady fire out of love, neatness and cheerfulness. Set him as near this as seems to agree with him. If he sputters and fizzles, do not be anxious; some husbands do this until they are quite done. Add a little sugar, in the form of what confectioners call kisses, but no vinegar nor pepper of any account.
A little spice improves them, but it must be used with judgment. Do not stick any sharp instrument into him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently; watch the while, lest he lie too flat and too close to the kettle, and so becomes useless. You cannot fail to know when he is done.
If thus treated, you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he will keep as long as you want, unless you become careless and set him in too cold a place.
I guess I must have cooked my husband the right way as he was one never to complain and one to compliment, as well as one who appreciated everything I cooked for him EXCEPT broccoli, maybe if I had found this recipe earlier I could have won him over with even broccoli. Giving your vegetables a bit of a lift.
Broccoli Mornay
For broccoli buffs who are looking for new ways to cook their favourite greenery.
1 1/2 pounds broccoli
1/4 cup butter or margarine
5 tbsp. whole wheat flour
1 cup milk
1 cup cream
1 cup Gruyere or Cheddar cheese, grated
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
2 tbsp. dry sherry
1 tsp. lemon juice
1 tsp. fine herbs
1/4 tsp. paprika
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
1/4 cup whole wheat bread crumbs
1/4 cup chopped nuts (Pistachio if possible)
Steam broccoli until tender, break into flowerets. Melt butter in saucepan and stir in flour. Gradually add hot milk and cream and stir until sauce thickens. Add cheese and stir until cheese melts. Season with salt, pepper, sherry, lemon juice, herbs and paprika.
Spoon drained broccoli into baking dish and pour over sauce. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese and bread crumbs, and top with nuts. Bake in 350 degree oven for 10 to 15 minutes.
Optional: add 1 cup of cooked shellfish to mornay sauce; or, layer four slightly sautéed fish fillets on top of broccoli before spooning over sauce.
Super Beans
1 1/2 pound green beans
2 tsp. vegetable salt
1 1/2 cups sour milk
1 tbsp. whole wheat flour
3/4 cup of cooked small white onions
1/2 cup cooked mushrooms, sliced
1/2 cup water chestnuts, sliced
3 tbsp. pimientos, chopped (substitute sweet red pepper if necessary)
3/4 cup cheddar cheese, grated
Wash beans and cut off tips, break into 2-inch lengths. Steam beans until tender crisp. Drain and season with vegetable salt. Mix beans with sour cream, flour, white onions, water chestnuts, mushrooms and pimientos.
Spoon all into casserole and sprinkle with grated cheese. Cover and bake in a 350 degree oven for 20 minutes.